Grocery Aisle Comedian Gifts

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"For drinks or dinner?"

'The stuff legends are made of'

Low income vampires.

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Free Range / Deranged

That was 16 items.

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

"Hey girl, why the clown suit?"

'We're out of peanut butter.'

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

'This could be a new record!'

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

Foods that are bad for you. Foods that are really bad for you.

Organic Broccoli. . . Pimped Out Broccoli.

Grocery store ruins a cart drivers attempt to motivate his horse.

"Head office told our boss to speed up the checkout process...but he misinterpreted and sped up the conveyor belt instead."

The Shopped Elsewhere: 'They take their loyalty card scheme very seriously at this supermarket.'

'Unexpected item in bagging area!'

"Wake up Mrs. Jones. You're sleep shopping again."

"Hey, wait - I think we're supposed to put stuff in a cart."

'One case of body wash. Will there be anything else?

"My milk is gonna spoil if I stand here any longer."

"I never use the Express Lane. I like to keep my money a little longer."

'Are you over 18 stone?'

Greengrocer selling rotten fruit for a political rally.

Potted meats section.