Grocery Aisle Comedian Gifts

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"For drinks or dinner?"

'The stuff legends are made of'

Low income vampires.

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

'Yes?'

Free Range / Deranged

That was 16 items.

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

'We're out of peanut butter.'

'This could be a new record!'

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

Animal Crackers. All the animals in this box are dinosaurs! Better check the expiration date!

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

"Hey girl, why the clown suit?"

Foods that are bad for you. Foods that are really bad for you.

Organic Broccoli. . . Pimped Out Broccoli.

The Shopped Elsewhere: 'They take their loyalty card scheme very seriously at this supermarket.'

Grocery store ruins a cart drivers attempt to motivate his horse.

"Head office told our boss to speed up the checkout process...but he misinterpreted and sped up the conveyor belt instead."

'Unexpected item in bagging area!'

"Hey, wait - I think we're supposed to put stuff in a cart."

'Are you over 18 stone?'

"I never use the Express Lane. I like to keep my money a little longer."

Potted meats section.

Greengrocer selling rotten fruit for a political rally.

"My milk is gonna spoil if I stand here any longer."

'One case of body wash. Will there be anything else?