Supermarket Comedian Gifts

'Unexpected item in bagging area!'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

Eye of Newt Helper

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

Low income vampires.

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Free Range / Deranged

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

That was 16 items.

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

Undertakers' supermarket.

'Express Line, Ten sins or less'

"Butcher!"

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

'This could be a new record!'

Dramatic readings of food labels.

Crime scene outline on the floor of a grocery store.

The Shopped Elsewhere: 'They take their loyalty card scheme very seriously at this supermarket.'

"Head office told our boss to speed up the checkout process...but he misinterpreted and sped up the conveyor belt instead."

"I never use the Express Lane. I like to keep my money a little longer."