Consumerism Satirist Gifts

Ed's Odd Job Lot.

Happiness is spending late summer afternoon on a buying binge at the iPhone app store.

Woman thinking about luxuries.

Pirates at the mall.

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

Expensive greeting cards.

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"Who knew we'd be a desirable demographic?"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

Woman impulsively buying a book about how to stop impulse buying.

'The stuff legends are made of'

desert isle shopping trolley...

"I'm sure you want little Jimmy to have a complete set of 'Muscular Heroes of the Cosmos,' now, don't you, Mr. Bennett?"

"It's just not the same."

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

Forecasters are two a penny. Supply exceeds demand.

'The good news is, I got your Mum's cardigan.'

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)

"I'm going out to keep consumer spending in line with Wall Street expectations."

Pirate Captain Wears Pirate Slogan T-Shirt

"Actually, take us to your gift shop first."

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

It's a new year, little buddy. What are you going to do to make the most of it? Throw out the old to make room for the new. Very deep, little buddy. I'm a deep person. If the big-screen tv I got on Black Friday is a whole month old, I'm Zen enough to just breathe ... and let it go, on eBay. Want to hear my Zen mantra? Luckily, I stopped listening 30 seconds ago.

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

"If we new this was going to happen we could have arranged some great TV sponsorship deals."

'Corporations hijack government... details whenever we run out of commercials.'

Visit Our Gift Shop

"'Take that,' growled the writer as the buyer for Borders slumped to the ..."

"I admire their honesty -- I'll take six."

How America Was Re-Won