Comedy Consumer Gifts

Clancy: All the world's a stage....

'We have got to put someone else in charge of the vending machine change bow.'

"And that's why you shouldn't sneeze into your mask."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

Showbiz Awards

6 Quarantine-Friendly Fashions

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

Director/Action Man toy.

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Why do they do that?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

The first car accident.

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

I must say a winter wedding certainly saves on confetti!'