Commercial Comedy Fan Gifts

Where Are They Now?

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

A Fairytale Update

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

Vlad the Impala

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"That'll be five bucks."

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'