Industrial Comedy Fan Gifts

Satis Factory Tour

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"I'm sending you to Siberia. Your job is remaining here."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

"Can you put more nudity in this?"

'Don't try to use me. I'm not user friendly!'

'He's been with me for a long time... he was my first ulcer.'

"At the end of the day, Maureen, wake me up."

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"Staff are always complaining about supposed bureaucracy, but if no one completed form M74/cd3 then how would we know how many M74/cd3’s had been filled out!"

"And nobody noticed the crease in the blueprint?"

'You forgot the product label.'

'Frankly, I'm a little concerned.'

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

'Some hackers have broken into the system. It goes in as molten steel, and it comes out as chicken gumbo soup.'

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

'Here it is - the world's largest miniaturization plant.'

See District Directors

"I knew there would be a catch."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

Employer of the month...and every month.