Industrial Satire Fan Gifts

'So in the end, going green wasn't as difficult as we thought it might be.'

The bad news is that there was an accident yesterday. The good news is that the sausages are free today.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

"One question, what's a share option?"

"Of course I believe in diversity. Harlan, here, is an endangered species."

"My God! There goes middle management."

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

"I've been thinking, but I'm going to stop."

'Oh, oh! Here comes the queen! Look busy!'

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

'What's the concept? I'm not sure what you're trying to say, Ms. Harris.'

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."