Industrial Satire Gifts

Muscle Steriods.

"There - a tree! Now let's hear the environment people complain."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'So I'll become a CEO of a dummy corporation.'

Backlash industries: makers of the macro-chip, bigger, slower..and it even makes mistakes

'This is Bob - our secret agent of change.'

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

Death Boss

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"Never mind devices - we need to establish a 'bring your own funding' policy."

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

Boardroom cream pies.

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"