Industrial Satire Lover Gifts

'Sure, we can keep the floors clean. Well just use the stuff we bleach the flour with.'

Lean manufacture

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

"We have an acronym!"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

Miniature Design Shop: Think Small.

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.