Industrial Satirist Gifts

A businessman sits with an executive toy of smokestacks.

"I'll breathe easier when the economy gets back on track."

Coal Liquidifcation Plant/Oil Solidification Plant.

"We must have had an order."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

Born In Captivity.

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'