Industry Satire Gifts

"I'm afraid the celebrities we have are all from the aluminum industry."

Loggers Destroy Industry.

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

Another day at work would be one too many...

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"We have an acronym!"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."