Service Industry Satire Gifts

"Hi...my name is Jason and I'm your wait person for this evening."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

Death Boss

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

Boardroom cream pies.

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'Now that the price of gold is up, we'd like to have your retirement watch back, Boggs.'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

"Here - I've no use for spreadsheets where I'm going."

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'Your request for a motorcycle as your company car was rejected. However, I'm not totally unreasonable. Enjoy!'

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

'I told you not to take a left out of the office - now we're completely lost!'

"He took that kinda hard."

"We encourage finger pointing in this company."

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

"Waiter!"

'Of course you've got a say in this firm! For example 'Yes, sir!', 'You're right, sir!', 'Aye Aye, sir!' or 'As you like it, sir!'

"I'm looking for someone who's qualified to cover my mistakes."

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'