Service Satire Gifts

An accident waiting to happen.

Waiter watering down wine

Worm complaints desk

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

Slow/Fast Food.

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"It's my helper trout!"

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

Imagine there's no office...

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'He started on the production line and has worked his way up!'

"Hello, my name is Eddie and I will be your customer tonight."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

"Potatoes too salty? Look, buster ??" I told you to enjoy your meal!"

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

And you, Warren... you are now a vice president in charge of thinking up new titles for our never ending supply of vice presidents.

'Don't worry, he always feigns death when it comes to tipping.'

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

'First, let me confirm a rumor. The next round of cuts will go deeper than originally announced.'

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

Tedium