Service Experience Satirist Gifts

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"It's my helper trout!"

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

"Hello, my name is Eddie and I will be your customer tonight."

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"Waiter!"

"Potatoes too salty? Look, buster ??" I told you to enjoy your meal!"

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

'Don't worry, he always feigns death when it comes to tipping.'

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"I don't know why they call you a waiter... I'm the one that's been doing all the waiting!"

'Waiter, there's a tar ball in my soup.'

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

'A table near a waiter please.'

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'