Customer Service Satirists Gifts

To The Sorry For The Inconvenience Department

"Let me connect you to a disagreeable person in our Customer Service Department."

"All that's left is to either refer 3 friends or write a brief review."

'Your echo is important to us. Please stand by. Your echo will be returned in the order in which it was received.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

'Don't worry, he always feigns death when it comes to tipping.'

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

"What's this I hear about you opening an account at another bank?"

'Waiter, there's a tar ball in my soup.'

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

"I don't know why they call you a waiter... I'm the one that's been doing all the waiting!"