Customer Service Satire Enthusiast Gifts

Twisted Peel attempts to make a complaint to a customer services call centre.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

Thanks, I'd like to accept the job, but what is the salary? Sorry, it's against company policy to disclose that!

'We harbour few illusions here at Megatron Inc.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

"Of course there are still a few loose ends, funding...pensions...workload, but the good news is that we have got a concrete proposal for the new PCO letterheads!"

"We appreciate the good job you're doing, but can you do it more thanklessly?"

'I like your appearance. I'm sure we can find you a place in the company.'

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

'I'm pleased to announce the newly-created 'Office of Homepage Security' - to protect against computer hackers.'

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

"Potatoes too salty? Look, buster ??" I told you to enjoy your meal!"

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

"I'll make this brief, Anderson."

'Don't worry, he always feigns death when it comes to tipping.'

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"All those who object to me replacing the board with crash test dummies, please raise our hands."

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

'I can't lie to you, but I'll get someone who will.'

"Wonderful. Another consultant telling us that the key to success in business is to follow our instincts. Wake me when it's over!"

'You remind me of myself at your age, Ferguson, so I want you to stay away from my secretary!'

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'