Customer Service Satire Gifts

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

You want tech support. This is mockery and belittlement.

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

'Don't worry, he always feigns death when it comes to tipping.'

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

'Waiter, there's a tar ball in my soup.'

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

"I don't know why they call you a waiter... I'm the one that's been doing all the waiting!"

"What's this I hear about you opening an account at another bank?"

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

An accident waiting to happen.