Customer Service Satire Gifts

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

'Don't worry, he always feigns death when it comes to tipping.'

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

"I don't know why they call you a waiter... I'm the one that's been doing all the waiting!"

'Waiter, there's a tar ball in my soup.'

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

"What's this I hear about you opening an account at another bank?"

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

'For kicking our salesman down the stairs, we take 10 euros extra charge, sir!'