Customer Service Parody Fan Gifts

Return on mangled golf clubs.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

'We found your luggage! It went to Buffalo!'

'My error, sir. On the phone I thought you said 'venture' capitalist.'

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

"What makes you think you can patronize me?"

Waiter on a horse.

"What's this I hear about you opening an account at another bank?"

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

"Next on... Auto Mechanic M.D. Your knees are shot, so I'm going to try injecting some grease. If that doesn't work, I'll make you new knees from some shock absorbers."

"I loved the part when you said I was a 'valued customer'. Do it again!"

'He certainly knows how to make a customer feel welcome.'

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

Heck Support.

'For kicking our salesman down the stairs, we take 10 euros extra charge, sir!'

'They didn't fit when you got them home? Maybe your contents settled during shipping?'

'Everything works fine? Don't worry, sir! We'll mess it up for you!'

Applesauce, pea soup, candied yams.

A midwife and a waiter pass through a set of double doors.