Customer Service Satire Lover Gifts

Complaints Department

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"Our medical benefits are quite limited, basically we send you a memo telling you to take more exercise."

"But I already asked the other parent company. They told me to ask you."

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

Waste Management.

"So from the top. If they need urgent help it's form AC/765c, criticl interventions are CV/U657's and..."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'As the intern, it'll be your job to work for free.'

"If you work real hard and are willing to put in the hours, the sky's the limit."

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'

'At least I feel better in my mind about why Hartnett wasn't returning my calls.'

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"Congratulations J.L., I hear you're getting another 'really' in your title."

'It's so much better since business became computerized -- it was so hard to blame things on typewriters.'

"Kinda care, kinda don't."

Suggestions/Terms and Conditions

"In this corporation, Mr. Taylor, at this level we do not do shirtsleeves."

"You know how to whistle don't you Steve, you just put your lips together and blow. . . but I wouldn't recommend it."

Zombie Worker Apocalypse

'Well, Sylvester, I think we'll show a profit this quarter now that we've eliminated our overloaded payroll.'