Service Satire Lover Gifts

Diner asking a waiter to 'look sharp'.

'Don't worry, he always feigns death when it comes to tipping.'

"You rang?"

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"It's my helper trout!"

"Our medical benefits are quite limited, basically we send you a memo telling you to take more exercise."

"But I already asked the other parent company. They told me to ask you."

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

"So from the top. If they need urgent help it's form AC/765c, criticl interventions are CV/U657's and..."

Waste Management.

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'As the intern, it'll be your job to work for free.'

"If you work real hard and are willing to put in the hours, the sky's the limit."

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'At least I feel better in my mind about why Hartnett wasn't returning my calls.'

"Congratulations J.L., I hear you're getting another 'really' in your title."

'It's so much better since business became computerized -- it was so hard to blame things on typewriters.'

"Kinda care, kinda don't."

"Hello, my name is Eddie and I will be your customer tonight."

"In this corporation, Mr. Taylor, at this level we do not do shirtsleeves."

Zombie Worker Apocalypse

'The man you're replacing had some objections to the early retirement program.'