Service Sector Satirist Gifts

"I said it's not often one gets one's chimney swept by a person with a B.A. from Sarah Lawrence."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

'So I'll become a CEO of a dummy corporation.'

Backlash industries: makers of the macro-chip, bigger, slower..and it even makes mistakes

"It's my helper trout!"

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"Waiter!"

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

"Potatoes too salty? Look, buster ??" I told you to enjoy your meal!"

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

"'Take that,' growled the writer as the buyer for Borders slumped to the ..."

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

Royal Mail Privatisation

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

'We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious.'

Oil Workers

'Waiter, there's a tar ball in my soup.'

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

'A table near a waiter please.'