Service Industry Humorists Gifts

"This is warm!.. I remember when your service was much better!"

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

'I hired a motivational speaker once, but unfortunately all of my employees left to get better jobs.'

"Let me take that for you."

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

Shareholder's Meetings

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

'Then someone hit on the idea of selling our torture devices to fitness centers.'

"Members of the board, my indecision is final."

"Waiter!"

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

'As you both know, here at Frump, Cuttle and Howsen, failure is not an option, so that only leaves blame.'

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

Stan's OK Deliveries

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"Relax. We're market fundamentalists."

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

"We've found the problem. You folks don't own a car."

Pork Lift

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"