Service Scene Humorist Gifts

'Your tip just went down substantially!'

"It's my helper trout!"

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"Let me take that for you."

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Hello, my name is Tony. I'm your waiter, and I'll be dining with you tonight."

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

"Waiter!"

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

"We've found the problem. You folks don't own a car."

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

"What's this I hear about you opening an account at another bank?"

'Waiter, there's a tar ball in my soup.'

"I hope they offer same day service."

"I don't know why they call you a waiter... I'm the one that's been doing all the waiting!"

Use Next Window.

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

'A table near a waiter please.'

"What makes you think you can patronize me?"

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

"911? My husband's unresponsive."

When parcel delivery guys retrain to become waiters....

"You ordered tea sir? This is a luxury hotel so I've not only poured it for you and brought it to your room, but I'm now going to drink it for you."