Service Industry Satirist Gifts

"Faster! By God, you'll earn that tip yet!"

"Everything all right?"

Please Wait Here for the Next Available Pencil

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

We've got to order more uniforms!

'I can deal with you in a patronising way or a condescending way or a bit of both?'

Use Next Window.

"We'd like to substitute you for a waiter who'll write down our order."

"I thought the robotic server was amusing until it demanded it's tip in bitcoins."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

'So I'll become a CEO of a dummy corporation.'

Backlash industries: makers of the macro-chip, bigger, slower..and it even makes mistakes

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"It's my helper trout!"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

'Have a little patience, Sir - We're not machines...'

"Welcome to The Cable Cafe. Your waiter will be with you between now and 5:00PM."

"Waiter!"

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

"Potatoes too salty? Look, buster ??" I told you to enjoy your meal!"

Bookshop with Best sellers getting pushed into the Remainders basket.

'Don't worry, he always feigns death when it comes to tipping.'

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

"'Take that,' growled the writer as the buyer for Borders slumped to the ..."

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'