Service Industry Humor Gifts

'Would you care for a drink while you're being ignored?'

'Please don't tell me you work in a gas station.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'

'When I say jump, Hayes, I don't want you to just ask 'How high?' ... I want you to show me!'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"It's not a real company, it's a shell company."

C'mon, Bob, the associate chases the manager's tail, the manager chases the VP's tail, and the VP chases my tail for me – You know how this works.

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

"We couldn't give you a bigger office, so we shrunk everything down to make it appear bigger."

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.