Corporate Satire Gifts

'This is Bob - our secret agent of change.'

'I wanted you in a position where I felt you could grow.'

'We've laid off our entire legal department since we've gone with the honesty is the best policy approach.'

This is not about team building, but about cutting back on labour costs...

'I don't think the employment tribunal will be altogether happy with the third column.'

"We offer medical, life and home insurance. Car insurance, paid vacations and stock options. Daycare. One drawback: no salary."

Man at huge desk with a map entitled, 'Map of the Desk'.

Puppet workers.

And this is Jim, one of our old hands - he's been here well before lunch!

'I've just found out we make cubicles.'

"You problem is you have no substance."

"Open plan office are the future, they're more flexible, efficient...sharing a workspace and being able to see your colleagues at work can really improve performance!"

"Personally, I just let my conscience be my guide..."

'Wait a second...yes, I do remember that memo. I distinctly remember ignoring it.'

'Clear communications are essential to a positive work environment, so let's be 'clear' that we will be expecting you to cover the cuts by working twice as hard for less return in worse conditions!'

'How would you like to be VP of Medieval Thinking?'

'Our accounting errors were due to the fact that we didn't have duplicate copies.'

'It'll be a shock to the workforce, they only work two days a week.'

The company's going bankrupt,you'll need to get someone in to bite my nails for me!

The serious corporation

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'How much do I pay you guys to ignore your research?'

Men escaping an office with a rope of ties.

'The boss never missed a chance to make extra money.'

'Welcome aboard! You're just what we've been looking for!'

'Things would go a lot better for you if you would simply agree with the boss's ideas.'

Bob gets his walking papers.

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

'Leave us your suggestions here.' (The suggestion box is a shredder)

Two managers with carrots: 'Tell me again how this is different than managing with a stick?'

Financial Corp. Inc.

"We know how to treat old or stubborn workers. After all, this is a dog food factory."

'I'm being downsized.'

'We don't give out compliments but we do give out pies.'

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."