Corporate Satirist Gifts

"Remember, now-you're sense, I'm sensibility."

'I don't get it...after all the budget cuts to streamline the work force, why aren't we moving faster.'

'And, unfortunately, accounting is reporting that 'enough' is no longer enough.'

'I wonder if you could shed some light on this department's high 'miscellaneous expenditure' total?'

"Mr. Dyer says he has no interest in speaking to anyone who would remain on hold for so long,"

"Well that answers the question 'Does the CEO understand what we do?'!"

"Do we want to just flip a coin, or hire expensive consultants so they can flip a coin?"

Woman walks past a sign in an office that reads "Sycophant of the month".

'I think we have a communication problem.' - 'You can say that again, I fired you two weeks ago.'

Desk plaque: 'The buck pauses, but does not actually stop here.'

'Middle managers play tennis.'

"I know we didn't accomplish anything, but that's what meetings are for."

"Not the most impressive strategic plan I've ever seen."

"Sir, the following paradigm shifts occurred while you were out."

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

'It's a simple two-part strategy. First, locate the hills. Then head for them.'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"No, Hoskins, you're not going to do it just because I'm telling you to do it. You're going to do it because you believe in it."

'OK, all those in favour of delegating decision-making, shrug your shoulders.'

'Before you go any further, let me reiterate that I, for one, see nothing wrong with killing the messenger.'

"That concludes my prepared remarks. I will now evade your questions."

"It's not all bad. We still have enough cash for bribing the prison guards."

"We want you to be more creative...more imaginative in your work...and this is how we want you to do it!"

'I wanted to get your opinions before I go ahead and do what I want to do.'

Man looking at a 'organization chart' where he is depicted at the bottom

"It's the S.E.C. How do you plead?"

'These are some great solutions we've come up with, Ed. See if we have any problems they'll solve.'

We can't call it restructuring,we did that in '98 and'97...

"And this is Igor...he's responsible for making sure people put their billable hours in."

'I'd love to add something to this discussion but I have no idea what we're talking about.'

'You suck.'

Commitment to Cultural Diversity

"According to the survey,retention is helped by training and money...There's no mention of chaining staff to their desks."

"Jump!" Performance management.

'No more mergers until I get this one cleaned up.'