Corporate Culture Satirist Gifts

'We're sorry, Henderson - But you never evolved into the leader the board had hoped for.'

"Guess what Darling, Nigel's telephone number is exactly the same as my salary."

"On the other hand I never have attended nor will I ever attend a sales meeting.''

'From time to time we like to upgrade our mission statement.'

"'Hold,' young lady, is for other people."

"Not quite – one ankle on top of the other!"

'Think of it as incentive marketing. You increase our market share and you get to keep your job.'

'As I've always said, I have an open door policy.....and as you can see it opens back out of my office. NOW GET THE @!#^ OUT!!!'

"He barks orders only the interns can hear."

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"Well, all the servers are down. Ron from accounting suggested we start a fight club!"

"I like your attitude, Benson."

Thank you for calling Chasen Enterprises. Your call is very important to us, but not as important as lunch.

'Yes, Mr. James is in. What excuse would you like to hear for him not seeing you?'

'It looks like he's not busy and can give you a few minutes.. but looks can be deceiving.'

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

"Your resumé looks great. I just don't think you have the right ego for our company."

"That sleep site is very effective."

"When you're too old to work here I will send you to the dog food factory...as dog food."

"If we don't see the boss's shadow, it means six more weeks of delegated work for us."

"Jones! You're sleeping on the job! Again!"

"This is still a mom and pop operation... and I hope your fingernails are clean!"

"I'm sorry Jeff, you don't really seem to be fitting in!"

'Ms Chenault, are these art works or profit charts? I forget which.'

'The parent company is coming for an audit, Miss Utley - I want you to put on this thong bikini.'

'You're probably wondering why I invited you all here...'

'I'll pause for a moment to let all that sink in.'

"Yes, it's me, Captain Nemo. I've gone corporate."

'All we want is to be loved while making obscene profits.'

"He's miming from a tape from head office."

"You might call it a coup d'etat Mr President, but I like to think of it as 'Change Management'."

"So it comes down to this. Two people, but only one opening for a junior partner. Well Jenson? How are you going to compete with piggy-back rides?"

'The boss said you can come back in now. But never, ever make eye contact with him again.'

'Corporations' studying a city for its 'pros' and 'cons'

Middle Aged Mutant Ninja Turtles