Corporate Life Satirist Gifts

"He was much more effective in the field."

A man giving a speech at the "Umpteenth Annual Convention".

'It's not the coming to work that bothers me...it's those eight hours after I get here!'

'I'm the CEO of a large corporation, and yet, when I'm out in public, I need someone to 'walk' me!'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Born In Captivity.

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

'Instead of a raise, Yomp, you may call me 'Chief', instead of Mr Staghorn.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"The more coffee I drink, the more these motivational posters make sense."

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.