Corporate Image Satirist Gifts

'Money can't make you happy . . . but photoshop can.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Born In Captivity.

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

Another day at work would be one too many...

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."