Business Satire Gifts

"I suppose we could tweak our empathy algorithm."

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

"These records are inaccurate, out of date and misleading. Haven't you got a priv

'We won't exactly be firing you, Brubaker. However we are switching to an all-volunteer work force.'

'While I admit to being the C.E.O., the actual fraud was carried out by my right hand, Mr. Puppeto.'

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

'Need some kidneys.'

"Just a second while I get your letter out of my file."

Vice President in Charge of Block

Boardroom cream pies.

Sign on office wall: THINK. Loot the firm. Dupe the investors?

'I told you not to take a left out of the office - now we're completely lost!'

'You've reached neanderthal industries, inc. Do you wish to speak to the hunting or gathering division?'

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

CEO Temptation Island! Some claim it's too real...

This is my son, Nigel. He'll be taking credit for all of your work.

'So Dave you are going for that interview to be the new MD of the Co-op.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"Well done Jenkins, you finally managed to step up to the plate!"

"My boss must have a heart of gold...it certainly isn't human."

'Your request for a motorcycle as your company car was rejected. However, I'm not totally unreasonable. Enjoy!'

Bow first.

'Of course you've got a say in this firm! For example 'Yes, sir!', 'You're right, sir!', 'Aye Aye, sir!' or 'As you like it, sir!'

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

'To cut out an unnecessary administrative tier, I'm divorcing you.'

'Yes, well, they may be little, but they're still people.'

Downsized! (Man with shrunken)

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"He took that kinda hard."

"The good news is we're through downsizing."

"I'm trimming the fat around here, Bailey, and I'd like you to lose seventy five dollars per week"

Death Boss

"And to that I say: hakuna matata."

"We encourage finger pointing in this company."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"