Industrial Satire Enthusiast Gifts

'I see that the new foreman has already left an impression on you.'

Santa and his sleigh hit a flare stack.

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

Water company bonus.

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

Backlash industries: makers of the macro-chip, bigger, slower..and it even makes mistakes

'So I'll become a CEO of a dummy corporation.'

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'

'Thanks to our exensive cost-cutting efforts, we managed to turn a profit.'

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

News for Sale

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

"Quicksand in a modern office building? Don't be silly."

"Never mind devices - we need to establish a 'bring your own funding' policy."

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

"People, the facts are inescapable. Any ideas on how we can ignore them?"

'Once again you have exceeded my expectations.'