Industrial Irony Enthusiast Gifts

"You should have been here last week. This is clean coal."

Sandpaper, Inc. I should have guessed a sandpaper factory would be in a rough, gritty neighborhood.

Klutz Refinery, Unauthorized Personnel Only

Ecological Mortar

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"Why is it every time I need to go somewhere, the driverless car is taking itself for a spin?"

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

'Some hackers have broken into the system. It goes in as molten steel, and it comes out as chicken gumbo soup.'

A businessman sits with an executive toy of smokestacks.

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

"There - now we're environmentally responsible."

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

"And this is where we add the natural goodness."

"We're not admitting any wrong doing, but we've agreed to pay a ten Zillion dollar fine.''

"We don't share your information with anyone. Plus, nobody listens to us anyway."

"... Or, if you're tired of listening to all of these automated options and would like to cancel your call, press 9."

'I see we'll be sampling the wines of New Jersey this evening.'

How many trees were cut down to get the paper necessary to print your book?

"I'll breathe easier when the economy gets back on track."

Everything will look perfectly flat...in your Realtek 2D glasses.

"You handled that boring, thankless job so well I've decided to give you another one."

'Can you believe it? A young punk like me laying off an old coot like you?'

"That efficiency expert you hired said I should get rid of you."

"We're tolerably self sufficient. Alistair, for example, makes all our own petrol."

"Now that my new bikini arrived, I am ready for global warming."

"I told him to trim a couple of inches off the middle and he thought it was a fat remark."

110% Job Performance.

Awareness!...

"And this, gentlemen, is what one of our typical American workers looks before he gets fired!"

'Your experience is nil, qualifications lacking, references horrible, and you fulfill MY need for job security perfectly...YOU'RE HIRED!'

'Sure, we can keep the floors clean. Well just use the stuff we bleach the flour with.'

"The microwave isn't working and I needed to heat my lunch."