Industrial Humor Gifts

'You're being replaced by a machine...But at least it's an American-made machine.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

'I see everyone got the memo.'

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

'Brains...brains...brains...'

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

"I didn't get where I am by trying to please."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

"Any further comments? Alright then, we're adjourned."

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

Looks like another profit's warning

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

"It will scare away our competitors."

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

'I see from your C. V. that you're my son...'

'We had no contingency plan for things going right.'

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

Blowing dust off an order book.

'He refused to climb the ladder without a safety net.'

"In an effort to make this a more pleasant meeting, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales figures chart counter-clockwise a full ninety degrees."

Above reproach.

"So we all agree to reduce our company motto to 'It was the least we could do'?"