Industrial Humor Pillows

'You're being replaced by a machine...But at least it's an American-made machine.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'I see everyone got the memo.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Anyone who opposes the plan I'm about to propose please signify by saying 'I resign.''

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

Now may not be a good time,he just found out he's not going to live forever.

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"I didn't get where I am by trying to please."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

Looks like another profit's warning

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

'We had no contingency plan for things going right.'

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

'I see from your C. V. that you're my son...'

Blowing dust off an order book.

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

"It will scare away our competitors."

'He refused to climb the ladder without a safety net.'

Above reproach.

"In an effort to make this a more pleasant meeting, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales figures chart counter-clockwise a full ninety degrees."

"Actually, I worked my way up from 'ideas'."

"So we all agree to reduce our company motto to 'It was the least we could do'?"