Industrial Satire Pillows

Muscle Steriods.

"There - a tree! Now let's hear the environment people complain."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

'But this is what you demanded; a corner office with Windows.'

'So I'll become a CEO of a dummy corporation.'

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

Backlash industries: makers of the macro-chip, bigger, slower..and it even makes mistakes

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'

Death Boss

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"Never mind devices - we need to establish a 'bring your own funding' policy."

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'I can live with you not wanting to push the envelope, but your refusal to think outside the box...'

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

Boardroom cream pies.

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

"The first of many cubicles..."