Commercial Humor Lover Gifts

Business gothic.

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

Office meeting

In and Out Sourced.

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'This is just an informal pledge that we all go through.'

'Nice power tie, J.B.'

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

"You're quitting? You're walking out?? Couldn't you have at least waited until I finished outsourcing the company??!"

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

"Everybody's impressed with how you can shred incriminating documents into one long strand."

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

Business Duck

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

"No, you can't have a raise. You didn't say, 'mother, may I'."