Business Comedy Lover Gifts

'We did a great job obtaining non-profit tax status. That calls for bonuses all around!'

'Organized crime rakes in billions every year. We're lucky if we can even show a small profit!' 'You have to consider that organized crime doesn't spend very much on office supplies!'

'Our product development department swears this will help the board better identify with our product users.'

'This is an Executive Position, so it doesn't require any work.'

"Believe me, Gordon, I have latitude."

'We need two armored cars - one for cash, one for employees.'

Congratulations, your suggestion that all directors should get a 20 pay rise has won.

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Spot the difference.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Receptionist covers for boss by saying he's out of the office.

"It lost a little something in translation."

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'