Commercial Satire Lover Gifts

"Finally! An iconic advertising image that represents Christmas, Valentine's Day and Easter!"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"We have an acronym!"

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

Miniature Design Shop: Think Small.

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'