Commercial Lover Gifts

"And this little gizmo let me skip the game but record all the Superbowl commercials."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

'This is just an informal pledge that we all go through.'

Time is HONEY

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

'We offer full benefits. A desk, a chair and your very own cubicle.'

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

"It's the most hostile takeover I've ever been involved in"

'Well, this is a new low - even for you.'

"Hate to see you leave, Dave...especially since it was just last week that I learned you worked for me."

"There goes the person that proved the Peter principal faster than anyone in history."

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

Do you mind if my mother joins our little business dinner ? You know what it's like, I don't want people from the office to think I'm sleeping my way to the top.

Great coaching is about being specific with feedback.

"Thank you for making my decision to fire you, that much easier."

'Big-time operators are standing by....'

Advertising space on jockeys' bottoms

R. Gelfin - The buck stops here, then gets buried in his pile.

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

Friday night was always sext night.

"Crap in" and "crap out"

Junk Mail

'Shred that last mental note I gave you.'

Good plan, but where do I feature? You're the guy that signs approval.

'What's happened to all this money?'

'Congrats, you're promoted to the company's anti-stress specialist. If someone feels worked up and irritated. He can come and hit you.'

'We need two armored cars - one for cash, one for employees.'

There! You finally have a window!

Modern Charm

'And now for some fresh and existing commercials before we get back to our dull, uninteresting, and hum-drum story.'