Cultural Conversationist Gifts

"So … Rachel tells me you're Canadian …"

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'Join us. There' a talk on medical marijuana and a pot-luck dinner afterward.'

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"It's too good. I think it's going to be a forgery, not just a copy."

"Paved in gold? Oh my, no. With out crumbling infrastructure we're doing well if the streets are paved at all."

Pallbearers sitting around radio: 'This just in! Tributes are pouring in for the legendary tenor Pavarotti, who passed away earlier today....'

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

'I see that you're a fully integrated immigrant to this country.'

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

"I remember when you could order a cup of coffee in two or three words."

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

"The Sculleys, the Jensons, the Walkers, Freedy, Joan, Don and the Bowes. Oh, well, Madame de Stael had to start somewhere."

'Too much genetic generalization trooper are they Sioux, Black Feet or Cheyenne you don't like when they call 'white eyes' or pale face do you?'

“I think you’ve had enough.”

"Hey, this is on me!"

"Mother, I'm so sorry — I totally forgot to bring you."

Books 'n' Coffee

"All this fuss about same sex marriage, I've been having the same sex with my husband for the last 27 years."

'I'd like to drop this whole believing in God thing.'

'Which choo-choo train is appropriate?'

"You know how last year you told me you'd teach me how to pick up ladies?"

'At least he's normal, well, as normal as men get.'

'When we first got married, Warren was crazy about me -- now he's just crazy.'

'He's very Territorial Army.'

"This piece really makes you think doesn't it?"

'It's all about hunting and killing with you, isn't it? Why can't you just have fun in the woods?'

"And they say this country doesn't make anything anymore!"