Cultural Conversations Gifts

"My authority was never questioned before it was revealed that my middle name is Hillary."

"Where else in the world would you get such wonderful sunsets?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Very Difficult Conversations

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

So you're a mocking bird...

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

Correct Comics *Drawn By A Vegetarian On Acid-Free Recycled Paper In A Drug-Free Environment

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"So, what do you do for play?"

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."