Colorful Conversations Gifts

You look tired, Randy. Hot date last night? I had a date. That is correct. But was it hot? A gentleman doesn't tell whether a date was "hot" or not. No … but you usually do. Didn't you just patent "Randy's Hot-o-Meter," the hat that turns from white to pink to red, depending on the hotness of last night's date? Did you know the inventor of bacon was vegetarian? He was? Who knows? Point is, inventions are not a statement of principles.

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

Very Difficult Conversations

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Correct Comics *Drawn By A Vegetarian On Acid-Free Recycled Paper In A Drug-Free Environment

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

"How about a hand."

"So you're anthropomorphic too? It's a small world."

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Dialogue

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

'I'm still not sure HOW it happened. One minute, we were bouncing ideas off each other, and the next thing I knew, we were using furniture instead!'

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

Cover story: Picasso

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'Did you get through to the speaking clock, Dear?' 'Tick and tock and tick and tock and tick...'

A lesson in wit

Young girl asks young boy what time he wakes in the morning

"The first week back is always the hardest"

I'm beginning to regret the hearing aids.

"You might be poor and ugly but you're the only one who didn't blather about politics and climate change after ten minutes. What's your name? Marry me!"

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."

"I know I keep coming back to your obsession with styrofoam peanuts, but there's a lot to unpack there."

"Sometimes I get a craving for sushi."