Comedic Conversations Gifts

'You misunderstand, squire. All I do is guarantee that my cars are USED!'

'I'm going to be a lot more decisive from now on. Well... maybe not a lot more, but at least a little more.'

"If you are still unhappy with your current allowance compensation, may I once more suggest to you a life of crime."

"The first week back is always the hardest"

'It has less to do with loneliness than with the fact that I live in a flood-prone area and I can't swim.'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

'I hope we don't start getting competition from redundant bankers homes.'

Fisherman Funneral

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

Husband electronic tagging control centre - Screen reads 'Pub'

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

"Yes, dear, we're caught in a cycle...but you can hardly call it a vicious cycle."

Look at all our kids' clothing! Sneakers made in Vietnam. Pants from China. Sweaters from Thailand. Sports gear from Macau! They don't need so much stuff!! One obvious rule will stop all this consumerism. Good idea! Kids! From now on

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

"My dad really went ballistic! I'm not grounded...I'm under house arrest!"

So, what disturbing topic would you like to talk about today, Al? How about your new combover, Doctor?

"Hello?- Anyone here?"

'Elections are easier to understand if you think of them as performance art.'

Unhappy Cows from neighboring states visit California.

"You can't beat Channel 5's sport coverage."

"Connect the dots"

Government a la Carte

"We haven't been married long enough for you to reprimand my dog."

'I told you we should have protested against that windfarm'

'Speak up!'

'I chase women, but only to tell them about investment opportunities.'

"The predictions of the Loam farm model do make depressing reading...overheads and rents are skyrocketing, prices are down...but the government has suggested a strategy for solving the problem!"

It's not the Winning. It's the Taking Part that Counts. Vote Lib Dem.

Men telling stories