Comedic Conversations Gifts

'You misunderstand, squire. All I do is guarantee that my cars are USED!'

'I'm going to be a lot more decisive from now on. Well... maybe not a lot more, but at least a little more.'

"If you are still unhappy with your current allowance compensation, may I once more suggest to you a life of crime."

"The first week back is always the hardest"

'It has less to do with loneliness than with the fact that I live in a flood-prone area and I can't swim.'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'I hope we don't start getting competition from redundant bankers homes.'

Husband electronic tagging control centre - Screen reads 'Pub'

Fisherman Funneral

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

"Yes, dear, we're caught in a cycle...but you can hardly call it a vicious cycle."

"Hello?- Anyone here?"

"My dad really went ballistic! I'm not grounded...I'm under house arrest!"

Unhappy Cows from neighboring states visit California.

"We haven't been married long enough for you to reprimand my dog."

'Elections are easier to understand if you think of them as performance art.'

"You can't beat Channel 5's sport coverage."

"Connect the dots"

'I told you we should have protested against that windfarm'

'I chase women, but only to tell them about investment opportunities.'

'Speak up!'

"There's a smidgen of Charlie Rose about you."

'Listen up, folks! The President is feeling a lot of pain today, so please put a little extra into your groveling!'

"If marriage is so great how come you never hear about simulated marriage?"

It's not the Winning. It's the Taking Part that Counts. Vote Lib Dem.

"I'm a freelance radiologist."

"The predictions of the Loam farm model do make depressing reading...overheads and rents are skyrocketing, prices are down...but the government has suggested a strategy for solving the problem!"