Comedic Debater Gifts

'How could I have driven at 50mph? I've only been in the car for five minutes.'

Haven't your eyes gotten tired of reading after 150 years? If you're waiting for that to get a rise out of me

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

"When I was a teenager 'Saturday Night Live' had Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman..."

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Pop up begger.

"And today if the prosecutor says 'Liar, liar, pants on fire,' do not turn around to check."

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

"The first week back is always the hardest"

'It's bad enough I get overrules at home... why here also, Sharon?'

Fisherman Funneral

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

'To cure your dog I suggest you change your aftershave lotion, Mr Lutshbuddle.'

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

'You misunderstand, squire. All I do is guarantee that my cars are USED!'

Safety Pin

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."