Comedic Conversationalists Gifts

So, what disturbing topic would you like to talk about today, Al? How about your new combover, Doctor?

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

Now that we've invented language, let's talk about our relationship.

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

"If Einstein is correct, when we get back, my car will have been double parked for 320 years."

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

"What if we don't like their country personas?"

Tree growing

"Great pet, but we should have given him less energy."

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

Why is it the universe keeps expanding but there's never any room in my closet?

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

I think of "The Fusco Brothers" as a modern-day "Bonanza." Only instead of four cowboys, we have four bums, and instead of a cook named Hop Sing, we have a wolverine named Axel. Is there a term for this fantasy? "Ponderosa Nervosa."

"The first week back is always the hardest"

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'