Comedic Linguist Gifts

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

Pop up begger.

Monkey Business College

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.