Comedic Thinker Gifts

Also by the Author...

"Herb, your brain is being recalled. Says here it can get stuck in neutral."

"Just tell me what to do."

'Since we couldn't afford health care insurance, we induced labor in our car so our auto insurance would cover any maternity costs.'

'You thought I'd gone out of business? What gave you that idea?'

"I know being a celebrity might not make me happy but I could be an unhappy celebrity."

'Why does London Bridge keep falling down? Sounds like lawsuit material to me!'

Ted has a date with DESTINY!

"I stretch and do yoga every morning. I call it tying my shoes."

'Well, yes - people are partly made of bones....'

Captain Eddie's New Boat: 'It bothahd me that no one knows what it means until I realized it makes me look a lot smahtah than I really am!... Did I just insult myself?'

'I figured out that I can save six cents per roll of dental floss if I buy the unwaxed and wax it myself!'

'But Ms. Daniels, we're the obsese generation - we don't know how to draw stick figures!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

'Does 'Meow' really stand for the 'Moral Equivalent Of War?''

The only man who can see.

'Yes, I do know what it's like to be hungry - between meals!'

'I don't believe in Heaven but I'd like to qualify for entry...'

'Do you have anything geared for a speedy proposal?'

"Have you made a New Year's resolution?"

Tree growing

"We've got New Year's Eve invitations from both the Snerdleys and the Finsters...who do we pretend to have a better time with?"

"This is so stupid...why would Smiley go on a date with me?"

"Soon computers will get together and form committees."

"Does being wealthy mean not having a worry in the world?"

"Where do you see yourself 5 years ago?"

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

"Have my bags been in my possession the whole time? What kind of question is that?!"

"If I admit that I was wrong I would be admitting to myself that my whole life and everything I am and believe in is based on lies!"

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but you have a tentative offer from Burma-Shave.

"And make it look believanble."

"The following program is brought to you by the women's movement."

"I have an existential dread of falling off your couch."

Robot Psychiatry. But if I get in touch with my inner mechanisms, won't that void my warranty?