Comedic Idealist Gifts

"My primary challenge is to strip away the hardened carapace of societal expectations..."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

Reginald Bunthorne

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

'Keep repeating to yourself: I am a high flyer, I will not dive for the salmon.'

'Idealist'

'Stop quoting from films and get on with it.'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

'Young Love'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

"If Einstein is correct, when we get back, my car will have been double parked for 320 years."

Pop up begger.

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

'Isn't it romantic, being married in the same alley where we first met eight months ago?'

Monkey Business College

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"