Comedic Idealist Pillows

"My primary challenge is to strip away the hardened carapace of societal expectations..."

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Reginald Bunthorne

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

'Keep repeating to yourself: I am a high flyer, I will not dive for the salmon.'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'Young Love'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'Idealist'

'Stop quoting from films and get on with it.'

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Monkey Business College

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

'Isn't it romantic, being married in the same alley where we first met eight months ago?'

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

Pop up begger.

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'